 For
a Pom living down under my Granddad’s old tin hat, the one that he
wore at Dunkirk, Tobruk, El Alamein and Millwall comes in very handy
especially during an Ashes series. Handy because it catches the
large amount of flack and shit flying about, mostly because we
usually always come off second best. I say “WE” because even though
I've had Australian Citizenship for 15 years and love the place,
when it comes to sport I’m the original John Bull, English through
and through. Amazingly if England does happen to win, yes we’ve had
our moments I can safely remove the tin hat as its all quiet on the
western front.
Aussies as you know are a very proud nation and
dislike losing. The national pastime is Pom and Land Rover bashing in
no particular order of preference. In 2005 when England finally regained the Ashes it was
something that I never thought I’d see again during my lifetime.
Winning that series, possibly the greatest Ashes series ever, hurt
the Aussies real bad, it was akin to poking a stick into a very
large Hornets nest.
So I wasn’t too surprised by the 5-0 whitewash in the following
series especially as Glenn McGrath predicts 5-0 before the start of
every Ashes series. Shame that for once his forecast came true, and
in his last series too. But how and why, what changed?
I’m certainly no sporting phycologist, but what a
difference one ball can make. Do you remember the second ball of the
first test at Lords in 2005? Steve Harmison hit Langer on the elbow
and later in the same innings he cut Ponting’s cheek with a searing
bouncer? The Baggy Green knew that at last after 16 years of Ashes
domination they had a real fight on their hands if they were to
retain the Ashes. Sadly compare this to the first delivery of the
first test at the Gabba in 2006, again the bowler was Harmison but
this time the ball flew
straight to a very startled England captain; Andrew
Flintoff
who caught it at second slip. It was for me the defining
moment of the series and it came from the first ball of the first
test. Game over. England’s hold on the Ashes lasted only 15 months
the shortest reign in history, and didn’t I know it. For Gods sake
pass me bloody tin hat will you and a pair of earmuffs!
What most Aussies can’t understand is why on the
whole England are crap when it comes to sport especially when they
are quick to tell me that their population is roughly 2 ½ times
smaller than
mine. Well half the country appears to be riding around on mobility
scooters and why play cricket for peanuts when you can be an
overpaid Premier League footballer, is my stock answer.
Unlike in Australia where future champions are spat
out daily, English greats like Andrew Flintoff, Darren Gough, Ian
Botham, David Gower, Derek Randall and Eddie the Eagle er who all have character
and natural talent sadly only come along once in a blue moon. It’s a
shame really because they are the types who you’d want alongside in
the trenches when there's a battle to be won. The type of players
that would spit blood for their country because they wanted to win so
badly and hated losing.
Listen if those scientific chaps can clone “Dolly the Sheep” why not
clone one of them? I’m desperate. Losing 5 -0 really hurt, it still
does. I’m sure we can get it past the ECB, can’t be much different
to getting an adopted South African into the team and I bet there’s an MCC member who
knows a thing about cloning or two. Actually I don’t know the rules of
cloning but all of these are still alive. "Okay Boris what we need is a
deceased English cricket champion, a legend, and a fast bowler who
doesn’t bowl to second slip, someone who really knew how to shove it
up those Aussie fellows. Let’s clone Harold Larwood MBE. As far as I am concerned
he was one of the greatest Englishmen ever to have graced the field.
Back in 1992 I wrote to Mr. Larwood at his home in Kingsford,
Sydney and he kindly signed his book and a piece of paper so I may
have his DNA.
Putting all joking aside, I really do think that
Harold Larwood was one of the greatest Englishmen ever.
I admire him
because of his working class background, his values and single mindedness. I
have always loved the underdog, someone who rises to the top through
sheer determination and natural talent. As long as they don't get
too bigheaded that is, and I'm sure Harold never did.
He certainly stuck to his principles after helping England win the
Ashes during the infamous bodyline series. Harold was later made the
scapegoat and refused to sign a letter of apology.
Harold like many future English Test players who came from
Nottinghamshire during that era worked down the pits. Many of them
coming from the same colliery and other mines in the local area.
When Mrs Thatcher closed down the mines she was also damaging
English cricket, what on earth was she thinking?
Cricket was his life, a way out.
Apparently Harold would bowl imaginary cricket balls down the pit in the
dark and as he sent the stumps spinning he heard them rattling in
the tunnels, so not just a fast bowler but a seamer as well. (sorry.) Legend has it that when Harold was
picked to play for his country a colleague shouted down the mine “Ayup
'aruld's binpict fringland”.
Throughout the
bodyline series Harold was public enemy number one downunder. The
mob on the Sydney Hill wanted blood, but to Harold's bemusement they sportingly
cheered and applauded his night watchman innings and highest test
score of
98 runs. Aussies love a champion. Sadly that innings was to be his
last in tests.
Harold Larwood bowled leg theory or bodyline as it
became known because his captain asked him to. It was all part of a
grand plan hatched by Jardine to stop the Great Don Bradman. It worked, England
won the Ashes and the MCC back in London sent Harold telegrams of
congratulations.
It’s such a shame that after his return to England
Harold was treated disgracefully by the MCC and made the scapegoat
of the whole affair. The MCC drew up a letter of apology to the
Australians for the way that Harold had bowled, but Harold quite
rightly refused to sign it, he was after all just following his
captains orders. Sadly because of this he never played for England again,
but good on you Harold I admire your stance.
Disillusioned he eventually took his family to live in the land of
his old foes where funnily enough he was welcomed with open arms.
Yes the Aussies love a champion.
 In 1993 the Sydney morning Herald ran a piece about
the bodyline series it included a great caricature of Harold Larwood
holding a cricket ball depicted as a hand grenade. Shakespeare the
cartoonist told me that he doesn't get much fan mail so in return
for the letter that I sent, he gave me the original
cartoon. Half my luck! I took down the picture of the mother in law
and Harold's takes pride of place there instead.
Before I flew back to spend Christmas 2007 in England I made a list
of things that I wanted to see and do whilst over there. One of which was to visit the village of
Nuncargate. I wanted to see for myself the house where Harold used
to live, along with his old village cricket ground, pub and school.
Making a list was the easy bit, finding Nuncargate
was an entirely different matter, My Dad’s navigational TomTom
plotted a course for Aberdeen! Direction signs for the village were
non existent, I don’t think that it ever occurred to the local
council to put them back up after the end of World War II. Driving
round and round and threatening by now to throw the TomTom out of
the car window and buy my Dad a Garmin instead, I called in at the
post office and used the old time and trusted method of asking a local chap
for directions. Thankfully he didn’t have a Scottish accent.
Eventually we found Nuncargate, is it still a village or has it been
swallowed up by urban sprawl? I’m still not sure to this day because
of the complete lack of signs. (well I must be blind then) All in
all it was a grand day out even if rain did try to stop play.
It was the penultimate day and a fitting end to my holidays, calling
in to pay
homage to the former pit pony boy who
made good. I only wish that there were more like you in the current
England XI.
What did you say Mr. Larwood? "That boy Harmison
he wouldn't burst a paper bag" |
