 Time
changes everything so the saying goes and even in my home town of
Loughcaster. So after nine years away what's new? Well for a start where
did all these mobility scooters come from? They’re everywhere! Now I’m
not having a dig at the handicapped, the disabled, the physically
impaired the people that need these machines to get around, far
from it. There’s nothing worse than being a prisoner in one’s own
home and having to subject yourself to day time television is there?
But there seems to be an epidemic culture of seemingly able bodied
people driving around in them? It’s quite obvious why because
they’re too lazy to bloody well walk. I feel like marching up to
these people opening the battery cover and ripping out the cables.
“There now you really are disabled!.”
A prime
example is the woman that I saw driving through the shopping centre the
week before Christmas. There she was in this huge motorised buggy
half the size of a Moggy Minor, shoppers myself included had to flee
for our lives. She may as well been driving a snow plough.
It even had a roof and lockable doors. I stood and watched in
amazement as she pulled up outside Birds the bakers, jumped out,
locked the driver’s door and almost skipped into the shop. I realise
that public transport isn’t the most reliable, I should know as I’ve
had to rely on it a few times myself, I am a Land Rover owner after
all. But come on this is ridiculous and it’s giving the disabled a
bad name.
Is it just an English disease? When did it all start? "Eh up son nip
down to the offy will you and get us me fags, take the scooter" Don’t you need
a medical certificate or something before you are allowed to buy one? DHSS office
Monday morning, Look just give me my social security benefit, It’s
obvious that I’m unfit to work that’s my disability scooter blocking
up the corridor. Sorry luv I also need a free battery coupon too.
Maybe
it's the price of petrol, or
the fact that these people could never pass their driving test? There’s
no road tax or insurance required, you don’t even require a licence.
Scooters don't have to be registered unless they can pull a wheelie, do
donuts and go over 8 miles per hour.
Try Googling “Mobility scooters” along with a favourite holiday
destination,
Torremolinos, Majorca etc,
the locals must be making a fortune hiring them out to the Brits
abroad. There is even a two seater model available. I can just
imagine the start of the July holiday fortnight, the A46 is probably
gridlocked with the bloody things. Think about it though, you could be on the
outskirts of Skegness in about 27 hours. Remember to pack a few
spare batteries and a 96 mile long lead for the charger.
Apparently you can’t even be done for drink driving unless you’re
that pissed that you swerve off the pavement and go on to the road.
This is exactly what happened to one bloke who was found to be four
times over the limit when his 3 mph scooter left the pavement. The
magistrates couldn’t disqualify the driver as you don't require a
licence. So what’s the punishment a fine, slap on the wrist or
confiscate the battery charger?
Road
Rage, Scooter rage, hit and runs it’s all happening. The towns of
England are full of shops selling or hiring out the things. You want
to buy one? Then just walk! Into your local showroom.
The next time that I’m back in Loughcaster I’ll be down the town on market
day carrying out my newly found profession as a faith healer. If I
see any able bodied person with one of these things who is obviously
swinging the lead I will tap them on the forehead, remove the
battery and say bless you my child now you can WALK!
©
Eric Cullen, Pomgonewalkabout March 2008. |
